Scribbles of T.E. Jancis

Writer, Actor, Butler

danagould:

Two years ago, I was performing at The Punchline in San Francisco, and Robin came to the show with our mutual friend, Dan Spencer.
This particular batch of material was the first time I had touched upon my then still-fresh divorce wounds, and big chunks of it were pretty dark. The next day, I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize. Whoever it was had obviously been to the show and knew my number, so I figured they would reveal themselves at some point and save me the embarrassment of asking who they were.
The Mystery Texter asked how I was REALLY doing. “You can’t fool me. Some of those ‘jokes’ aren’t ‘jokes.” By now I knew that whoever this was had been through what I was enduring, as no one else would know to ask, “What time of day is the hardest?”
He wanted to know how my kids were handling it, all the while assuring me that the storm, as bleak as it was, would one day pass and that I was not, as I was then convinced, a terrible father for visiting a broken home upon my children.
I am not rewriting this story in retrospect to make it dramatic. I did not know who I was texting with. Finally, my phone blipped, and I saw, in a little green square, “Okay, pal. You got my number. Call me. I’ve been there. You’re going to be okay. - Robin.”
That is what you call a human being.

danagould:

Two years ago, I was performing at The Punchline in San Francisco, and Robin came to the show with our mutual friend, Dan Spencer.

This particular batch of material was the first time I had touched upon my then still-fresh divorce wounds, and big chunks of it were pretty dark. The next day, I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize. Whoever it was had obviously been to the show and knew my number, so I figured they would reveal themselves at some point and save me the embarrassment of asking who they were.

The Mystery Texter asked how I was REALLY doing. “You can’t fool me. Some of those ‘jokes’ aren’t ‘jokes.” By now I knew that whoever this was had been through what I was enduring, as no one else would know to ask, “What time of day is the hardest?”

He wanted to know how my kids were handling it, all the while assuring me that the storm, as bleak as it was, would one day pass and that I was not, as I was then convinced, a terrible father for visiting a broken home upon my children.

I am not rewriting this story in retrospect to make it dramatic. I did not know who I was texting with. Finally, my phone blipped, and I saw, in a little green square, “Okay, pal. You got my number. Call me. I’ve been there. You’re going to be okay. - Robin.”

That is what you call a human being.

(via wilwheaton)

heartbeatofatimelord:

physcoaustin:

tardisol:

IF YOU HAD ROOM WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN IT AND THE WALLS CEILING AND FLOOR WERE MADE OF MIRROR WHAT WOULD IT LOOK LIKE IN THE MIRRORS

No.

Holy shit I asked my dad who’s a physics teacher and he just looked at me, looked at the table, looked at me, tried not to smile, looked angry, and started to look up where you can buy big mirrors.

(Source: teenytomlin, via yulinkuang)

mydollyaviana:

moonflowerlights:

ninthtravelingman:

nealdk:

whatarefishfingers:

ruffnutthorstonthebesttwin:

theprettiestman:

Notice how Shan Yu doesn’t even question it or make a comment about “BUT YOU’RE A GIRL” he just instantly goes into a “I’LL TEACH YOU TO KILL MY MEN AND STEAL MY VICTORY” rage and I think about this a lot sometimes

((Well that might have to do with the fact that he’s a Hun.  Women among the Huns had higher status than their Chinese counterparts and even some of their own men. Women were free to hunt and fight along side of the men, could choose their own husbands and divorce him if she choose to. There were even records of clans being led by women leaders. So for Shan Yu Mulan is just another soldier))

thank you, history side of tumblr.

He also might not have been able to see very well, due to whatever horrible disease has taken hold in his eyeballs.

Pretty serious Wilson’s Disease judging by the copper buildup in in irises, and apparent melanocytosis localized to his sclera.

Thank you medical side of tumblr

I choked on my tea reading this

(Source: subtubitles, via electronbendinggirl)

fishingboatproceeds:

ohcurtains:

ofgeography:

so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!

here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:

disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.

sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.

so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—

here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:

  • it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.

so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE:

  • you have to pay for pay per view.

so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”

  • AS A FAMILY.

and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.

"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"

as a reminder, a quick table survey:

  • my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
  • my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
  • my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
  • me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography

silence.

my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”

silence.

my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.

my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”

  • WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?

"don’t expose my kid to that crap."

  • DON’T
  • EXPOSE
  • MY KID
  • TO THAT CRAP

"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."

  • I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
  • IN THE LIVING ROOM

but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • i did not want to go to porn prison

the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:

  • my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
  • my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
  • my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences

but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • this is the best thing i’ve ever done

what an amazing story

Wow.

(Source: bellecs)

“Steal another fellow’s coin purse. The poor chap will be forced to carry his “loose change” in his pockets, like a pinball enthusiast!”

—   (via drollpranks)

(Source: mykingdomscome, via hannahwitton)

mememolly:

owlturdcomix:

We go forward.

image

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I’M CRYING.

lifescouts:

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As it is cake month I can say that I’ve had a few parties.
One of the house’s cleaners was a great cake maker so we had a range of nice cakes.
Recently…well, my birthday is always at a weird time being the end of May. End of term. People had places to be.
Also people keep ending up in hospital or getting hurt.
Let’s see how this month works out!
BADGES: 29

lifescouts:

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As it is cake month I can say that I’ve had a few parties.

One of the house’s cleaners was a great cake maker so we had a range of nice cakes.

Recently…well, my birthday is always at a weird time being the end of May. End of term. People had places to be.

Also people keep ending up in hospital or getting hurt.

Let’s see how this month works out!

BADGES: 29

lifescouts:

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I think my favourite camp tale is my First Year where we were at Glade to perform ‘Street Performance’.
The festival goers were all too p*ssed out of the gourds to care.
The most luck we had was wearing blank mask with glowstick through the eyes. We’d twitch and jolt. Scare the poor creatures.
Mostly it rained and we stayed in the massive tent and cooked and sung. It was nice.
The festival wouldn’t shut up until dawn so sleep was not worth attempting. Not to mention we had little in the way of food.
By the end we were tired and smelly and muddy.
Some might find that fun. 
Luckily our rescue van had bacon sandwiches.
BADGES: 28

lifescouts:

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I think my favourite camp tale is my First Year where we were at Glade to perform ‘Street Performance’.

The festival goers were all too p*ssed out of the gourds to care.

The most luck we had was wearing blank mask with glowstick through the eyes. We’d twitch and jolt. Scare the poor creatures.

Mostly it rained and we stayed in the massive tent and cooked and sung. It was nice.

The festival wouldn’t shut up until dawn so sleep was not worth attempting. Not to mention we had little in the way of food.

By the end we were tired and smelly and muddy.

Some might find that fun.

Luckily our rescue van had bacon sandwiches.

BADGES: 28

lifescouts:

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We would do our best to fly a kite in the grounds of the school.
Also did some on Portsmouth Common.
Don’t remember much luck due to not having much wind.
Was fun to run and throw the kite up. Less so to watch it spin down ten seconds later.
BADGES: 27

lifescouts:

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Click here to buy this badge physically (ships worldwide).

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We would do our best to fly a kite in the grounds of the school.

Also did some on Portsmouth Common.

Don’t remember much luck due to not having much wind.

Was fun to run and throw the kite up. Less so to watch it spin down ten seconds later.

BADGES: 27